


Citadel

by Mareel



Series: Alone [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Cerberus - Freeform, Citadel, Death, Drabble Sequence, Gen, Invasion of Privacy, M/M, Mass Effect 2, Pre-Relationship, advertisements, aquarium, fishes, headlines, pre-mshenko
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-04-11 01:12:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4415327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mareel/pseuds/Mareel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life after death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Citadel

**Author's Note:**

> This is a set of 5 drabbles reflecting on John Shepard's first visit to the Citadel after being revived by Project Lazarus. The only mission complete before this trip to the Citadel was to visit the _Normandy_ crash site at Alchera.
> 
> This ME2 series takes place prior to any acknowledged relationship between Kaidan and Shepard but there are enough undertones of it (even if Shepard doesn't understand his own feelings) that I added the mShenko tag.

 

###  _Dead Man Walking_

I don't think I'll get used to this. 

People staring at me like they've seen a ghost, people stating the obvious - you're really alive? At least Bailey is upfront about it. 

"You're listed in the record as killed in action. It might take you days to clean up the paperwork. Let me take care of that for you. Welcome back, Commander."

No questions asked, no accusations made. Just an offer to update the records. Like it was an error rather than a fact. A two-years dead fact. It's almost too easy, too glib a way to dismiss the reality.

_________________________________

 

###  _Shroud_

_"You appear to have been recently deceased. Would you be interested in purchasing an elegant asari burial robe?"_

I usually ignore the advert kiosks that call out to passersby. But this one stops me in my tracks. Did it just try to sell clothes to a dead man? That was actually the last thing I worried about during my time 'away'. 

Beyond the absurdity is a frightening breach of personal privacy. It's one thing for the guards at in-processing to access my records. Does this kiosk scan every passerby seeking the formerly dead Commander Shepard? 

This world is new to me.

_________________________________

 

### _Companions_

The new _Normandy_. Joker has embraced her, but she's not mine yet. Too many voices missing, too much history, too many smiles. Where are those I'd talk to on late sleepless nights? Garrus, Tali, Wrex... Kaidan. Their stories of homeworlds and families... goals and dreams. Confidences entrusted... bonds formed. 

I buy Chakwas her brandy. Maybe we can share it, drink some reminiscence. I'm tempted by some whiskey. But that would be too easy. 

Loneliness urges me to other purchases. A fish for the aquarium. A tiny space hamster. They'll need me to care for them. I hope they're good listeners.

_________________________________

 

### _Headlines_

Lingering by the news feeds, piecing together this altered world headline by headline. News of war, of politics. I don't know if those newsreaders are targeting me. But I've heard a story about my mother at least three times from different terminals. 

Hannah Shepard... refusing an admiral's bar in order to honor her son by continuing to captain her ship... continuing to try to make a difference. 

I cringe as I walk past a shop where my voice proclaims my endorsement. Her son wouldn't have done that. I've let her down.

Has anyone even told her that her son is no longer dead?

_________________________________

 

###  _Anderson_

Ill-suited, but resigned to his place on the political chessboard. At least the warmth in his eyes is real. He knows I'm still me, that Cerberus and I will use each other, but they will not own me.

A Spectre again thanks to him, perhaps to spite Udina, but the result is the same. That feels good. I hadn't realized it had become such a part of my identity. I walk a little taller. 

But he stonewalls the one question I could ask only of him. What has become of Kaidan? He's alive, and Alliance. 

That will have to suffice.

_________________________________

 


End file.
